Saturday, 30 July 2016

Yes it's been 10 years!

Yay!


Amazing how time flies.

10 years ago this month I took my first tentative step in articulating the philosophy that has branched out to become known as BWE (black women empowerment).

In 2006 I was on a board for black folk commenting with great passion about the injustice against black women. I was subsequently thrown out unceremoniously. The black mammy mules had had a field day with me, rubbishing my very arguments about the unfairness of black women's situation in the so called black community. The deep hatred and ill will against black women permeated the site in a way that I couldn't quite get my head around. I thought I was alone in noticing the gross injustice of black women's situation given how many folk had piled on me and told me I was hallucinating. Little did I know that I had actually had my first taste of the blackistan DBR mentality which we all know about quite well in these circles. I couldn't believe how sold to their own slavery the black women who commented on that site were. I decided then that my voice might just be one but I would preach and shout about a new era for black women in dating and in living life to the full.

But I wasn't alone, someone had silently watched what had happened on that black website (they left my blog link up which was a stoke of luck or oversight or something, but I suspect the owner in her heart of hearts knew the truth of what I was saying and was tacitly allowing my point of view to be aired even while maintaining a strong black woman, NBABM persona). Anyway Evia Moore from blackfemaleinterracialmarriage had seen my valiant but futile struggle and had followed me back to my fumbling beginnings of a blog. She set up hers too and we became the first two in what is possibly now a line up of a 100 or more so blogs that have preached and still preach on the topic of BWE.

We've had great times. We've had blow out battles. We've had betrayals. But the messages moves on and up and black women profit and take steps towards more abundant living.

I have moved blogs from where is all started Date a white Guy and I now delve more into the team of abundant living strategies (as opposed to just interracial dating for black women).

Thanks to everyone who had made our movement a success, because it is. I may not know you but if you have done anything to lift black women out of the life of lack and misuse that she has been assigned by her race and those beyond I say Solidarity!

To another 10 years!

H Anderson

Friday, 1 July 2016

Isn't it Funny...





Isn’t it funny how black women who oppose black men dating white women and others are told:
Let black men be with whoever they want, stop expecting them to be exclusive to you because they are black.


We as black women are told:
Stop leaning on your familial relationship with black men to insist they date black women alone.

Funny how those same black men will ignore all other races and colors to come ‘Lean on me,’ the sole black women at the bus stop, when they need a dime because they are homeless and hungry.

Friday, 27 May 2016

Black men are bullies and black boys are also bullies

I watched a black school boy throw a black girls very expensive phone to the ground, in some sort of supposed horse play and I realised that black boys are bullies. Black boys represent a bully class to black girls. Under the cover of play fighting, I have seen many a black boy unleash some of the worst viciousness on black girls. It is truly time for black mothers and guardians to tell their girls they must not play with black boys. Black men are bullies to black women so no surprises then that black boys begin to catch on soon enough.

The Mowrys


What do bullies do?
Bullies focus in on your weaknesses and in this case on black women's social vulnerabilities and insecurities about beauty standards, weight, femininity, hair acceptance. They both exacerbate and use these against black women in social contexts. Black women already have enough problem in a society fighting prejudice. This is the reason black girls need to do two things.

1) They need to be 'on point' in how they present themselves
2) Avoid black boys or have very steep standards for them.

Black boy bullies also teach others how they should treat/relate to black women so increasingly, we see people from 'out groups' with knowledge of intimate things about black women with which to cause them hurt and pain.
Bullies also do things just for the heck of it, to make themselves feel big at the expense of their targets and it is no news to black women how black men engage in senseless attacks on the femininity and womanhood of black women. 

If you are a young school girl, deciding to personally up your game in terms of your presentation will help you dodge being a ready target for black boys to mock or tear down (not that they wont try). It is indeed a heavy burden to place on black girls at a time in life they should be carefree and able to try out various ideas and identities but the wider body of black women have fallen down in this area. It is a problem that black women to a large extent do not wear their own hair. Others have noticed and it is the source of a lot of disrespect directed at black women.

Many black women and some black men have pointed out that white men and men of other ethnicities do not clown their women or go out of their way to say nasty things about the femininity of their women especially in public (indeed if black women think they are experiencing value depreciation they need to look to the antics of black men because it is a big part of the story). They are right in this observation (white women to some extent engage in tearing down white men but white men can compensate by still being the King of the hill). This means black women must skill up and 'evolve' in their strategies to counter this known threat emanating from black men and boys.


Monday, 2 May 2016

You Must Remember how you worked it out the last time

You must remember how you succeeded in the past so you can repeat the process when you have to.

I love 'How to' beauty Videos.




I thank God for these young and older women alike who take the time out to show us new methods of doing our hair and make-up. My routine has been transformed, but not only that, I find myself with a renewed motivation to do my face again in the morning. It is so therapeutic, to take that extra ten minutes to present yourself well. I lost that in my busyness and lack of priorities for a while. Ladies I don't think there is anything more important than presenting yourself wonderfully to the world each morning. People may pretend that they like you warts and all (read: men say they like you warts on all), but watch them look at you differently when you bring on your A game!

Don't be carried away by what people say! These days people say all the politically correct things while doing the exact opposite! Instead understand that humans have been on this planet for tens of thousands of years, and the chance of studying human nature, our basic attitudes etc has resulted in a great body of knowledge about human behaviour that we can put to our benefit. The knowledge of how to win is out there, quit Bs'ing and read, be informed and apply the knowledge!

Anyway I had a teaching/teachable moment recently and I sum it up by saying, 'Don't forget how you made things work out in the past; those little lessons you learned or learn as you go through life, they must be committed to paper (video, dictation machines etc etc), so you don't forget useful lessons and short cuts to success.

I am one who likes to reinvent the wheel, that's for sure. I hop onto a new approach even when the old one is effective because I believe there can be a better way (and it is necessary to indeed refresh your methods from time to time), but it can also mean I forget very critical lessons about myself and what works for me.

Case in point: A couple of years ago I happened upon a very effective way of keeping my acne at bay. It was and is a very unconventional method and not one that Doctors would recommend but it worked for me where nothing else came close. I happened on it by trial and error i.e. a thousand hours, dollars and products went into me discovering the best way to rid my skin of pimples and give it a smoother look.  Bearberry soap kept on all night every other day. Yes it is a strange method but it worked and friends who knew me with my blotchy face stopped me to ask, how come I looked bright and spotless. 

One would think that now that I had figured out 'my way' to a smooth skin afters years of horrid rash like outbreaks and spending thousands, I would cling to the method like white on rice but no after a few wonderful months I went after the next fad, until one day I can say I couldn't even remember how I had gotten my acne under control. I remember sending off the crucial element of my success, the bearberry soap, to a charity shop, wondering why and how I managed to accumulate so many bars of the stuff in my draw. This was the same time as I was beginning again to get the rash like skin on my face with the attendant black marks.

Something must have jolted my mind a couple of months later. One morning I jumped from bed and realized I had to go search for bearberry soap (mornings and just before you wake are wonderful times to recollect and get new ideas). After going round a couple of retailers I realized that they didn't produce the stuff much any more. When I did lay my hands on the last two bearberry soaps possibly in London I was overjoyed. And yes the trick is working again.

There are things you have learnt about yourself: how your body works, what you like or dislike, your reactions etc that only you know and can figure out. And your body is teaching you these if you can pay attention and observe. You need to keep this knowledge handy because no doctor or psychologist will give you these nuggets about yourself and when you work with this intimate knowledge of you and your body it is easier to take on your life in a winning manner. Someone told me that if they eat before 10 am it triggers binge eating later on. This is a splendid bit of personal knowledge which has no doubt come after many years observing themselves in their relationship to food, and it will help them in their weight loss goals.

What are the little nuggets of ideas that you have learnt about yourself and how can it help you achieve your goals?

Saturday, 27 February 2016

Black 'kept' men: Black women have dodged a bullet

I am coming across more and more 'kept' black men in my social circles. It's scary, but now I know why there are so many black men vagrants about the place with no home and no connections worth a dime. Truth is a gigolo has a sell by date and many black men just don't know how to close a deal when they need to, they often drag the 'why buy the cow' situation on and on until one day they get the boot.


Hannah Bronfman and Brendan Falls

Case in point: a friend of mine, gave me the long story of how her son ended up with a white woman. She said that he complained that black girls were hard and gave them (black boys) a tough time (as opposed to white women who said 'Yes' at the first time of asking I suppose). Well anyway it seems this black man drifted on into a relationship with a white women and suddenly Miss woman was pregnant (she claimed it was an accident). With the pregnancy happening Mr 'I refuse to construct a vision for myself', thought 'well I suppose it's all set out for me to be with her'. So they set up house and he started to pay his side of the bills etc etc, but they remain unmarried. I warned the woman that paying the monthly note on a house with her name would leave her son with nothing very shortly. I asked her, 'why cant black men just wise up a bit and legalize things instead of drifting and letting fate or nature decide what next'. She shrugged and said it wouldn't matter if he got chucked out because, 'she would be happy to have him back'. Mess.

However the most concerning one for me was how black young boys are being sapped of ambition and focus by becoming kept men. Another acquaintance talked about how her son was dumped by his ambitious black girlfriend for being a layabout and not deciding to go to college or start a trade. Lo and behold along comes a rich spoilt Asian girl who took a shine to him and suddenly she is buying him his clothes, breaking him off some chump change, paying their all expense trip to Caribbean etc etc. So the young laybout has a go ahead to be..more of a lay about with no ambition and no plans. I cringe at this because it will not end well for this young man. To be encouraged to have no ambition at that age is a killer. The saddest thing here is that this lay about boy comes from a two parent family with a hardworking father who works all hours for the upkeep of his family.

You know, come to think of it, I know quite a number of cases where these black men are living off non-black girlfriends to some extent or the other. I know another white woman who hasn't seen a black man she doesn't want to >>> off, she collects black men like coupons moving on from one to another in quick succession. So embarrassing especially I have seen her drag obviously reluctant black boyfriends to family events etc, to force them into a 'relationship' status before they are ready!

Something horrible seems to be happening to white identity especially white girls quick to offer themselves to pimps, terrorists and etc in their infatuation with all men brown. There have been a number of cases of white girls running off to ISIS and what have you with their brown skinned paramour who has no doubt told them how evil the white Christian society is. And then she ends up in Raqqa where brown skin folk are doing more evil than whites could ever dream of. Some women I know are ready to shop their decent parents to the police if they dare raise any objections or even comment on their dating habits. Most of these decent white middleclass parents are held to ransome and can't even comment or make rightful observations about the race obsession of their daughters. If they dare, they become the racists, evil parents who have something against blackness. I remember one white mum confiding in me how afraid she was that her daughter would not get married because she had gone through dozens of such guys and moved them into her apartment in rapid time, dotted on them and played wifey yet none had seen it important to wife her up. All this time her school mates where marrying and starting families.

And then come see how these white women become all 'black people identified', talking about how all white people are evil and blacks are the poor put upon folk who must be defended at all costs.

In conclusion, while many black women will no doubt think they are 'loosing' black men, I suggest they consider that instead they are dodging bullets and then quickly strive to replace these losers with earnest men of good character from every other race and ethnicity available.


Saturday, 23 January 2016

The Best Tips for Loosing Weight in 2016


My Heart is so Heavy

Yes loosing weight and staying fit involves discipline and that's the root of it all, however there are a few 'hacks' that can help you along the way, making the journey that bit easier to make.

Eat Porridge for Breakfast
...or as your first meal. This is critical and if you could change one thing in your bid for starting a weight loss program this year, let this be the second thing (the first thing would be drinking coffee but more about that later): eat oats for breakfast everyday. Not only are oats very healthy, oats is very filling and is very good in forestalling snacking and grazing during the couple of hours after you have had a meal of it. It will even help you eat less for the next meal.

Eat a vegetable dish as one of your main meals
Try veg pots that you can buy already prepared for microwaving, in supermarkets. Vegetables keep you filled while supplying you some very important nutrients. One full veg meal of long beans, sweet corn, peppers, cabbages etc will take you well along the way to being full and filled for over half the day. If you take it as dinner it will help prevent you night snacking or overeating.

Allocate money each month for your weigh loss journey and create a 'weigh loss fund'
When something is hard to do it becomes that bit difficult to sustain. Sometimes it is the cooking and cutting and meal making that can put you off your weightloss stride. So spend that extra bit of money if you need to, to make things easier. I have dipped into my weight loss fund to buy prepared meals (already weighed with calories determined). I also use it to buy smaller wine bottles (as opposed to the large ones which can result in over-drinking). Also if caught out, I do not hesitate to dip in the pot to buy fruit bars, 100 calorie snacks and drinks, healthier food options etc which as we all know are quite costly. Rather than ruin my regime I'd rather waste spend that extra bit of money to assist my efforts and keep on track.

Yes it is good to cook and prepare fresh meals and buy ingredients which work out cheaper than ready means but don't let 'perfect be the enemy of the good'.   

Drink Wine
I look forward to a little cheat or reward after a day of striving to be good, and a glass of red wine really performs this role quite effectively. It is a little pleasure that signifies the closing of the days 'eating'. It is a little psychological ritual that does the job of rounding off eating for the day for me (for others it could be a slice of cake or snack) and is less than 200 calories (for a medium glass). As I have mentioned above, I buy smaller wine bottles and though they are expensive they already have a 'portion' size determined so you don’t over drink (you can actually decant a big bottle into mini bottles as an alternative).

New research suggests that a glass of red wine is good for weight loss

Get yourself a personal trainer and keep moving
I have said this time and time again; if you don't have a particular skill or an ability that is critical for elevating your lifestyle then pay good money to get it. In line with this philosophy I spent good money last year hiring a personal trainer because I am naturally inactive and was never brought up to have a concept of frequent exercise or gym going. It is a flaw in my upbringing and programming and I consider it money well spent to have hired a personal training between 1-2 times a week for over seven months to 'jump start' my gym and fitness lifestyle, I would have not made it this far without that 'push' (8 months constant gyming). And don't say you don't have money because unless you are totally unemployed you can squeeze the money out somewhere; trust me your fitness is more important than a new wardrobe, a yearly holiday etc. Once you start you will find that the money comes miraculously. I remember thinking, 'I only have money for three months', but that stretched into four, five, six, seven....

In addition to gyming and personal training, walk a lot more (your fitness and weigh loss depends more on walking than the weekly gym workouts), try walking for 2 hours a week (30 mins sessions) and gradually build this up to 4 hours, you will be surprised how easy walking becomes. And walking is something you can easily build in as opposed to gym sessions you have to 'get ready for and put in your diary (important)'. Try stopping off earlier if you use public transport to and from work, and suddenly you are adding 15 mins extra walking time a day. The little changes make so much of a difference!

Finally...

Drink Coffee; Bulletproof Coffee
I cannot sing the praises of this weird formulation highly enough. Apparently it is a drink that has been used in many ancient communities from Nepal to Ethiopia. I credit it with keeping me up for my gym sessions without fail (especially now I have let go of my Personal Trainer). It also helps me increase my training level each time I need to instead of stagnate.

It is a bit diffult for me to convey in words the effect this morning drink on gym days has on my mood and energy levels. Like most people I am sluggish, tired and unmotivated first thing and particularly on gym days, but I stumble into the kitchen and prepare myself this drink, and 20 mins later I am perked up and rearing to go, I cant wait to expend the energy I suddenly have acquired after the drink and this mood and energy boasts lasts me virtually all day even after an exhausting sweat filled session (Strangely I seem to be the only one who sweats in the gym by the way!). Let me explain: I still get moments of panic at the thought of gyming even after several months, and if I had to 'fly' on my own energy, I would create excuses to not go, but in 8 months I haven't missed a session due to fear, sleepiness and all the other psychological barriers I put up, and I know it is not down to my innate willpower. The mental acuity that also comes with this drink it is a wonder.

I am going to stop writing and simply refer you here and suggest you give it a try for a couple of days and see how you feel. And what's more, you don't need any expensive starter kits, just coffee (instant will do), butter and coconut oil (if you take to it and prefer, you can upgrade to the more attuned ingredients that are slightly more expensive, but I am still using the basic ingredients myself).


So, Keep fit and Keep going!

Saturday, 26 December 2015

It's human nature to look down on and put down those who are living beneath their potential

Hi all. Sorry for abandoning this blog for a while. Life happens I guess, and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I have to live life to be able to offer some nuggets of wisdom.

As you know this blog has shifted focus over a time period. It used to be purely about interracial dating and changing black women's resistance to the idea of being with other men at the same time to do this (make black women open to dating other men) the blog had to help loosen the fantasy ideas black women had about their black loyal prince who was so invested in them and in all things black. So many other bloggers have now taken forward the BWE message (black woman empowernment if you don't know), that it is now a stand alone concept. I felt and still feel the need to support black women who have 'got it' in taking their lives further, making it happen for them in relationships, business and life in general. So this blog has settled on being a tips and tricks blog for getting the life you want.

Don't let them have the last laugh
As we enter a transition period to a new year and in line with the above sentiment, I want to talk candidly about human nature. We all categorise others. We place people who don't come up to scratch in a not too nice position, even if they are our friends and family and we love and sympathize with them. It is human nature to tick down that which is sub par and a person who isn't meeting their potential. Your best friend does it to you if you are lacking in looks and presentation or in keeping pace with everyone else financially etc. You do it to your friend who thinks you love her unconditionally; all 300 pounds of her. But you do lack some respect for her for not keeping control of her weight. The nicest people do it, it is not nastiness it's just human nature making some calculus in terms of how much you are worth or not worth in a situation or generally. Good people driven by their better instincts might try to override the conclussions they have about another persons worth, to act pleasantly and be kind but we are aware that a 300 pound woman who wears all black all the time is not an asset, not the most sought after and indeed is not our competition (which might lead to a warmer disposition towards the 300 pound person out of sheer self interest!). Sometimes this attitude slips into your interactions without even planning or without viciousness.

Many years ago a slim enough colleague of mine at work came round to my desk to give me a long whinge about how she had put on a few pounds. She was probably a size 12 but somehow felt it appropriate to bend the ear of a colleague who was as I was then, up to three sizes heavier than her. After the incident I found myself wondering why she felt it appropriate to bring her self complaint on an issue like weight to me when I was clearly mightily struggling with issues of weight myself. I concluded that she had made some kind of weird calculus and either thought the benefits of a slim, well presented body where not for me to enjoy...

But don't let others have the last word on this, show yourself to be able to meet the challenge of rising to your potential especially as we enter a new year. Even if you are not spurred on by their attitude, don't be a disappointment to yourself. Force yourself out of the sub par category that you are placed because of things you can change like weight and presentation and training to expand your career goals. Shift from being the predictable one to the one who makes people go 'Wow she did it, she doesn't require our sympathy and pity'. Your real friends are those who will be happy for your transformation and willing to redo their previous calculations on their view of you.

Happy New Year!